Color of Control

Breakfast:

• Grapefruit (117)
• Oatmeal (160)

• C/R ezekiel (80)+ peanut butter (63) + apple (36)

Pre-workout:

• Chobani (140)

Dinner:

• Salad: feta (60) + dressing (5)
• Chicken breast (150) + green beans (20)
• Chobani (65)

Snack:

• C/R ezekiel (80) + cocoa almond butter (48) + peanut butter (50) + banana (32)
• Fiber One (90)
• Fruit puree (70)

Will be spent at the country club it looks like with my sister of all people, but regardless I am very excited!

• Yoga 8:30
• Breakfast (perhaps at the club, but I think I can make a more nutritious meal at home)
• Bootcamp 11
• Michael, the trainer, is going to give me a quick running workshop at 12
• Lunch (maybe at the club maybe somewhere else…) 
• Maybe go back to the gym for a low-intesity workout at around 6:30 so I can flirt with the guy I like ;) 

Low intensity and comparatively short, but it felt great! 

No running or jump roping—just EFX—because of my leg injury. 

I planned to do that 40 minute elliptical workout that I reblogged a week or so ago, but I made the mistake of tuning into my kindle! 

I started the 5 minute warmup and read for what seemed to be 15 seconds, then I looked down and 8 minutes had passed! So I decided to enjoy reading and do a lower intensity workout for the day. Then I did some abs and then about 30 minutes of yoga. 

Every now and then, when I’m not fully consumed in fighting my disordered thoughts, I can sit back and reflect on how far I’ve come. 

Am I proud? So absolutely incredibly proud. I even laugh out loud at how proud I am at myself for giving up cutting, purging, restricting, and fasting. It’s a freaking miracle!

…but other times I wonder if I’m not trading one set of rigid, spirit-breaking set of rules for another less rigid, not-spirit-breaking set of rules—but still rules nonetheless. Sure, what I do now is a trillion times better for my health (eating sufficient number of calories, very healthy food with treats here and there, exercising 5-6 days a week) but I have to do those things. 

If the day is ending and I haven’t eaten enough, I get very anxious and nervous. I still have to weigh my food because I have to know how much I’m eating. I have to exercise. 

This is just proof that I’ve committed to the recovery road, and that I’ve still got a ways to go. No shame in that. I’ve just got to keep working. 

Breakfast

Grapefruit (84)
Apple (42) + cocoa almond butter (90) + peanut butter (95) + cinnamon/raisin bread (80) = (307)

Post-workout

Tacos: Chicken breast (116) + 2 Tortillas (60) + Avocado (30) = 206
Salad: Feta (60) + Dressing (5) = 65

Later

Smoothie: Chobani + pineapple + cherries + orange juice + milk + strawberries + blueberries = (419)
Oatmeal (160)

Total: 1241

I wasn’t angry and I didn’t hate myself. I was just in a great mood.

I went into the gym about 2 hours earlier than I usually do, and made up my own little set with running, squats, 1st position plies, 2nd position plies, planks, medicine ball crunches, scissors, and v crunches, because my trainer wasn’t supposed to come in. 

Well he did, and just as I was finishing he told me to get up and get out to the tennis courts because we were gonna do some cross fit! 

So then I did a wad with a 35lb sandbag! 

• Run down the court with bag
• Put it down
• 5 burpees
• 10 pushups
• 15 squats with the bag
• Run back with bag
• Jump rope in the time it takes your partner to do everything above.

five times! (it was intense)

My bootcamp trainer told me to stay off all high-impact stuff (running, jump rope, RUNNING) :( 

I’m sad… I love running. 

He also told me to ice for 20 minutes every other hour for the next few days, then massage it hit icy-hot for the the next few days after that. 

At least, it’s spring break and I have the time to devote to nursing my poor calf back to health… 

silver lining, right?